Before I started living for Christ, I lived for distractions. I had to. I needed something to take my heart and mind off the nagging feeling that something was missing in my soul.
Although I longed for a life of purpose, I was experiencing something so much different.
I felt like an object floating on a breeze. A dandelion seed blowing wherever the wind would take me.
How I longed to find meaning in life! To wake up each day feeling alive and full of purpose.
But I didn’t feel that way. Instead, I felt desperate and alone.
Yet in my stubbornness, I convinced myself to just keep trying harder:
To chase my earthly dreams, to find the perfect relationship, to achieve a fulfilling career and the success I dreamed of.
I was certain that when I found these things, I would discover the elusive happiness I so desperately longed for.
But as hard as I tried, nothing worked as planned.
In my soul, I knew something just wasn’t right.
A Small Voice
On a daily basis, I found myself wrestling with my inner being, trying to quiet the small voice inside me that was saying Christ was the only answer.
Indeed, I knew who Jesus was. And I knew there was none other like him. But I did not want him to be the answer.
In my selfish mindset, I was afraid that I would have to give up too much of what I loved about life if I chose to follow Jesus. This was truly ironic since none of it was making me happy in the first place.
But I had a prideful heart, and I was determined to live as I wanted. So denial became part of my life.
I found that by distracting myself, my heart could be tricked into contentedness for awhile. I threw myself into social events, entertainment, and busywork to keep me occupied.The more I had on my plate, the less I would have time to think about those nagging feelings in my soul. Click To Tweet
The more I had on my plate, the less I would have time to think about those nagging feelings in my soul.
Above all, in my self-consumed bubble, I convinced myself to live for the moment and not worry about what the future might bring. I lived as if consequences did not exist.
Looking back now, it is easy to see that I was on the wrong track.
But I was so caught up in living for the moment that I could not see anything beyond myself. I shut my eyes to all things that were eternal.
Living for What Matters
However, through it all, God was working in my life. Even through each difficult moment…even when I didn’t even know it.
As hard as I tried to deceive myself, God was not giving up on me. In fact, he was orchestrating the moments of my life to lead me back to him.
During the decade or two that I was running from him, God made sure that I experienced just how worthless things were apart from him.
Whatever I chased after or whatever I achieved, it always fell short of bringing any kind of peace to my soul.
Year after year, I tried the same things over and over again, hoping they would make me happy. But each time, I experienced the same disappointing results.
Finally, over countless moments of disappointments and failed attempts at true happiness, my spirit was shattered and worn. I found myself in the deepest place of brokenness, and it was a low and solitary place.
Yet this is where God could make miracles happen. This is where the power of Christ finally awakened me to the truth I had known all along:
Jesus Christ was the answer.
My eyes and ears were finally open to the Savior of my soul, and I knew how desperately I needed him.
I was ready to listen to the truth. I was ready to break free from the bondage of this world and its false promises…and embrace the only One who really mattered!
The Amazing Love and Patience of God
As I look back now, I see just how patient Jesus was with me. Even after all those years of neglect, rebellion, and selfishness–he still wanted me! In the blink of an eye, he forgave me and welcomed me back. He had a life of purpose planned for me, and he had never given up on me.
Oh how faithless I had been to him–yet how faithful he was to me! His arms were open wide as I came running back.
The power of his unconditional love struck me with such clarity that it took my breath away and left me astounded. He poured out such grace on my life that it was beyond anything I had ever experienced.
I could literally feel his love warm my soul, his energy filling my veins, bringing me back to life. It was the most amazing experience I have ever had. And I knew I would never be the same.
With Jesus alive in me, my spirit began to soar to new heights. I hungered to know him more each day. To sit and be still with him–my greatest friend and the hero of my life–was the burning desire of my heart. I knew I had discovered my life of purpose; I simply could not deny it.
There was only one thing I wanted in life: my savior, Jesus Christ.
Filling Up My Days
Because Jesus saved me, I no longer needed distractions to get me through my days.
In fact, now I do everything I can to run from them.
When I feel the busyness of life trying to consume me, I step back and reevaluate what is important. When my calendar is filled with far too many activities that could carry me away from God, I make a deliberate decision to make it stop.
As a person transformed by the love of Christ, I want my days to be filled up with the plans he has for me. I don’t want to stay busy running toward things that are anything less than what he has planned for me.
Embracing a Life of Purpose
God, in his great compassion, transformed my heart to turn more instinctively toward him each day.
Of course, there are still many other competing voices and temptations that try to lead me away. But it is getting easier for me to say no. I will undoubtedly falter and disappoint myself. But God’s faithfulness will never leave me, and his forgiveness will always stand true.
As I walk the path God has prepared for me on this earth, he thrills me with small victories each step of the way. He shows me glimpses of the eternal glory that I will one day have with him.
And always, he leads me in a life of purpose.
Praise be to God, for his goodness and love last forever!
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136:1
Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. Job 22:21